so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
