All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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