The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
