i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
