I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
