Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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