The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
