Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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