there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
