sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
