at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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