im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize