I hate your face
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
