I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are the jesus of drinking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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