if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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