i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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