I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
