i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
