Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
