dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
