I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
