Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
