I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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