Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
