im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
