MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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