Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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