I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
