You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
