it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize