I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
