apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
