he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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