How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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