She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
