My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Randomize
