I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
