dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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