I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
