i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
