why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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