She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You've changed since you got that strap on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
