how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
