Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
