upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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