I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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