good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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