I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
