I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
