Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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