Quick, to the slutcave!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
