Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
