This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
