I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize