Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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