he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
