all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
