smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
