She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
