I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
