walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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