And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
