I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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