I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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