Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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