the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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