theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
