I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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