It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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