I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
