twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
