I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
