You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
