so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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